By Bill Livingston, The Plain Dealer
Helmet-flying, bottles-walloping, snap-deflecting, depths-plumbing -- the Browns have done it all when it comes to losing.
They have lost 128 times in 12 full seasons since their return, or an average of more than 10 games per year. They are, as of this moment in time, 3-6 this year and 67-134 overall since 1999. Their winning percentage is .333.
Poor talent evaluation through many regimes is the biggest reason why. It is, however, inaccurate to say the cupboard was bare. It has been filled instead with cream pies and banana peels.
The Browns' 10 Most Unbelievable Losses Since 1999 (With Two of Them This Season):
1. The Helmet Game -- It is unassailable as the top entry, unmatchable in idiocy, unthinkable in execution. Dwayne Rudd's celebratory helmet toss after he almost -- but, oops, not quite -- sacked Trent Green on the game's last play, led to 315-pound lineman John Tait's long ramble with Green's lateral, an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Rudd, and a Morten Andersen field goal on a final, untimed play that gave the Chiefs a 40-39 victory in 2002.
2. It's not over until it's over -- In 2001, the Browns' sideline was a lovefest in Chicago, with new coach Butch Davis hugging players and equipment men high-fiving as they wheeled trunks to the apparent victors' locker room. That would have been the Bears, unfortunately. Someone named Shane Matthews threw two touchdown passes in the last 28 seconds around a recovered onside kick to force overtime. The second TD was on a Hail Mary pass off a tipped ball. A pick-six off a tipped Tim Couch pass in OT won it, 27-21.
3. It's not over even when it's over, part two -- Shades of Ruddgate! After the Browns committed pass interference on a Hail Mary play on the last snap, Detroit got another play on an untimed down in 2009. Quarterback Matthew Stafford had been hurt on the desperation heave, with his arm looking like it had been extruded from a pasta machine. But he used the timeout the Browns stupidly called after the penalty to recover well enough to send backup Daunte Culpepper off the field and throw his fifth touchdown pass. With the PAT, the Lions won, 38-37.
4. Bottlegate -- Displeasure at an overturned fourth-down conversion in the red zone in the final minute on replay led to a long delay, while beer bottles, hurled by angry fans, decorated the turf. Had Quincy Morgan either (a) caught the ball or (b) not preened and made the "first down" arm signal, the Browns would have either (a) converted or (b) got the next play off before the replay official intervened. The Jaguars won, 15-10, in 2001. Post-game discussion was enlivened by the assertion of Carmen Policy, the Browns' president, that "those bottles are plastic. They don't pack much of a wallop."
5. Three-Ball, side pocket -- If you were scoring at home last Sunday, it went from long snapper Ryan Pontbriand, to the right foot of Alex Mack, to holder Brad Maynard, to Phil Dawson's instep, to wide left. The missed chip-shot field-goal attempt allowed the Rams to win, 13-12.
6. The Northcutt is the Deepest -- In the Browns' only playoff appearance since their return, they lost, 36-33, in early 2003 after leading the host Steelers, 24-7, with 3 minutes, 50 seconds remaining in the third quarter. Davis ordered a prevent defense, defensive coordinator Foge Fazio challenged Davis to a fist fight then and there (not really, but he should have), and Dennis Northcutt dropped a third-down conversion right in the breadbasket from Kelly Holcomb. It would have let the Browns run out the clock.
7. The "Bluto" Game -- In his second game as a Brown in 2004, new quarterback Jeff Garcia completed eight of 27 passes for a quarterback rating equal to the GPA of any member of the Delta House in "Animal House," including future Senator John Blutarsky -- 0.0. After suffering a safety with eight seconds to play, the Browns tried an onside kick from their own 20, on which Kellen Winslow Jr. broke his leg. The Cowboys won, 19-12.
8. Second Down, Second Chance -- Todd Peterson's field goal with 7:46 remaining in overtime came one play after Alvin McKinley blocked his 24-yard attempt. But because it was only second down and Pittsburgh's John Fiala fell on the bouncing football -- which never crossed the line of scrimmage -- the Steelers retained possession. Peterson's third-down kick gave them a 16-13 victory.
9. Time to panic? -- Holcomb threw for 400 yards and five touchdowns, and the Browns put up 48 points. Alas, Cincinnati put up 58. Davis resigned after the game in 2004, saying he had suffered a panic attack beforehand. Perhaps it was triggered by reflection upon his draft picks.
10. The Siesta Snap -- Backup Bengals quarterback Bruce Gradkowski caught the Browns asleep on a snap with 14 seconds left on the play clock and 41/2 minutes left in the game in this year's opener. The 41-yard TD gave the Bengals a 20-17 lead that they increased to 27-17. Browns coach Pat Shurmur charged the Bengals with illegal substitution on the play. It had all the substance of Policy's view of half-empty plastic bottles.
http://www.cleveland.com/livingston/index.ssf/2011/11/post_39.html
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